In Recovery

I woke up feeling off around 3:00 in the morning. My stomach is where it hits me first. I feel a little like my stomach is hurt. And I just sort of ache. Then I start trying to go back to sleep which never works. I have the little yellow AA book called Living Sober which I got in early sobriety and it spells out very clearly what to do for things like insomnia. The part I like best says not to lie in bed with it. To get up and perhaps read, work, watch tv...even the shopping channel. When I am sane I read the Economist. Perhaps an article on East Timor. Always puts me right to sleep. (I adore the Economist but only North America, and business. Also I love the obits in the Economist. Great magazine just some parts of it can be very dull. Those are the ones to read as sleep aids. But last night I did not get up I just rolled around and tried to figure out the unfigurable. My son seems to be mad at me for some reason. It came out in strange ways while he was here in town for work when I would see him. He was off again on again. But we are so close that I know when something is off and it stabs me in the stomach. When I am fully in its grips I am almost doubled over. Like I can't breathe. So I am making a lot more meetings. My therapist is gone to the South of France for the next six weeks too which I guess makes me more susceptible to the screaming me-me's. And my sponsor's cell phone is broken. The silver lining? My companion. Instead of immediately going to a morning meeting (early) I talked to him this morning and he always has such great adult perspective. That was better and we could be closer. And then I will go the noon meeting and leave early so that I can be at work by 1:00. (Work is just a few blocks from the noon AA meeting.)