If I could just add a "c"

Walking Scout this morning I realized I am always wanting just small changes. It started out I was thinking about Jeff's house, the house I live in now with Jeff. It is a lovely house. Perfect for us. He has done an amazing job. And it is pretty enough. Trellis work in the garden, perfect space inside the house, a wonderful kitchen with a huge wood French farmer-type or I guess they would call that a peasant table. Any way you get the picture, sky lights, molding, pretty furniture. All very country French. Jeff even built me a library/ work/ office space which is lovely. But me I am walking the dog thinking, it would be perfect if it had awnings. Gray and white striped awnings, and a new front door, probably dark grey wood. I hate the present front door with its 3 dopey little circle windows. And maybe some trellis work up the front with vines and ivy growing on the house. And there is more. I think it should have white wood window boxes on all of the windows. And a fence. I think to myself that life would be so much better if it were all fenced. White tall fencing so that Scout could romp around freely--maybe even have a dog door--and the deer could not get in to chew up all the plants that Jeff carefully puts in. How crazy is all that? Really crazy. Because the reality is while the house probably would look a little prettier that way my life would be just the same. Whatever petty jealousies and insecurities large and small and all that stuff, it would all be the same. The house would just look a little different. So why is it that I spend all this energy thinking about how the house should look? The reality is if I just look within--and I am learning in AA that it is an inside job--I would realize how little the outside of the house matters. It is pretty enough. And the fencing, well we can't afford it. So deal with it. Scout doesnt run away ever and the deer have already eaten what they are going to eat this year and I can look out the windown and see the Hudson River right there. Just beyond all the lush green trees. And really my time would be much better spent thinking about things of substance. Or just taking it all in while I am still here on earth. When I first sat down to write I happened to look up from the page and there before me right out the window sitting on the electric wire that comes from the house--another thing that I would like to see changed--can't they bury those wires underground?--standing on the wire was a tiny bird, probably a woodpecker--glorious with a red and white a black coat and it opened its mouth just so slowly and I am sitting close enough to see its beak opening and just the bird sitting there with its open mouth was thrilling. So the reality is if I just take in what is around me and what is I can be transported. And if the electric wire had been buried then I never would have had the chance to see that bird open its mouth.#